YOUR BAND IS HOME IN FRANCE
Twee pop band from Tallahassee; until six months ago were a cover band called Dr. Rooster & The Smoking Gunz. In danger of losing your fan base of forty-year-old bros.
YOUR BAND IS COMMENTARYTRACK
Just the band discussing the making of the album, over barely audible songs. Sample lyric:
“So what we were going for here was a warm, tube-amp kind of guitar tone, and I think we really hit that nail on the head.”
“Totally.”
YOUR BAND IS DUCKFACE
You sound like body shots and spray tan; have a residency at P.J. O’Swigahans on 2nd Avenue, but touring Myrtle Beach soon.
YOUR BAND IS TOTEBAG
You’re an NPR supergroup comprised of of Lakshmi Singh, Leonard Lopate, Ira Glass and Terry Gross. Oddly enough, Norwegian Black Metal.
YOUR BAND IS INSOMNIAC
You know that feeling when you haven’t slept for a few days and reality kind of smears together, as though you had never quite noticed before that the world is a big oil painting? That’s not what you sound like, that’s the kind of half-assed analogy you think of when you haven’t been able to sleep for several days. I have no idea what your band sounds like. Someone told me you sound like Lionel Ritchie, that may have been a hallucination though, I’m not that sure. Your band might not exist, either.
YOUR BAND IS PERMANENT GHOST
You’re like Girl Talk, except instead of songs, you mash up 80s’ sitcoms, mostly The Hogan Family and The Facts of Life, and you dress exactly like Klaus Nomi. Currently touring a series of coked-up nightmare warehouse after-parties in Bushwick.
YOUR BAND IS CIGARETTE
Someone once told me at a party that your lead singer is some kind of robot, but they were really drunk so I don’t know if I believe them. Every song sounds like Situation, by Yazoo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPiMbg4yVWk
YOUR BAND IS UNIVERSITY
None of you graduated from high school, and your lead singer looks exactly like Art Garnfunkel. It’s kind of creepy. No one knows what you sound like but you have 200,000 followers on twitter.
YOUR BAND IS PRINTING PRESS
Kind of like Bloc Party? If Bloc Party listened to more Creedence? If that makes sense? And why is everything in the form of a question? Is that really necessary?
YOUR BAND IS ANECDOTE PINBALL
It’s actually supposed to be Pinball Anecdote, because this one time you guys were playing pinball and a bunch of crazy stuff happened and one of you was like super drunk and all, “We should call the band that!!11!!!” so you did, but before you practiced you ordered like hundreds of t-shirts and they came back saying Anecdote Pinball. First of all, who made the call to order the t-shirts? I’m guessing the drunk one. Second, who orders t-shirts before they practice? That’s just dumb. Third, you sound like really folky, acoustic, mid-tempo Bad Religion (which is better than that description would lead you to believe). All the t-shirts got sold, though, and everything is OK.
YOUR BAND IS DAY JOB
You sound like the feeling you get when your alarm clock goes off every morning at 5, grimly reminding you that another day is slipping away as you march inexorably toward the grave. Also, like Smashmouth.
